Free by Hillsongs
Would you believe me if I said
That we are the ones who can
Make the change in the world today
Would you believe me if I said
That all of the dreams in your heart
Can come true today
Would you believe me if I said
That life can be all that you
Want it to be today

And if I had wings I would fly
'Cause all that I need You are
And if the world caved in around me
To You I'd still hold on
'Cause You're all that I believe
And the One that created me
Jesus because of You
I'm free

Would you believe me if I said
That God can make miracles happen today yeah yeah
Would you believe me if I said
That you don't need to wait for the answers before
You step out in faith
Would you believe me if I said
That nothing is ever impossible for God

Just live your life
With God insideYou won't regret
One moment of it
And give all that you can for God
For God
-

today was pretty amusing :) card games and certain friends are the rocks!

class photos were interesting, but not exactly too nice. but nothing is worst than secondary school photos la!

joan should make more and nicer youth collages. love them.
pierre's a pig for forging my OGL form, and in ugly black markers too!

proj work and chinese- sighs.

started off with a bad hangover sort of feeling when woke up. i believe it was the late night (i.e 2-3 am) and the early monring (6am). whatever it was, went to dental, slightly happier with a string of songs in my phone, and got BRACES REMOVED. wheeee~

that was the highest point of the day, although the pullin off braces were by no means fun. HAH for once i can feel my gums! roflll. okay that was so random la. but it feels super weird not wearing braces anymore *grins. oh and Free by Hillsongs was stuck in my head. its a brilliant song. :)

dropped by nat's and ken's house to drop off the chocolates. wanted to drop by xp xw's too, but xp is such a pig la. he woke up DAMN LATE. so yeah i left his and his brother's share with kenneth instead. hopefully kenneth wont eat it haha :P

proj work; im not going anywhere. no improvements what so ever. -shrugs. i made ME the first round and well, ive no idea how to jazz it up. rather, im sick of doin PW. but im the group leader, so yea i have to be responsible, and i will be.

didnt go Compass Point with some of the class, massive migraine. i was in no mood for socialising cept for maybe eating cos i dint have breakfast nor lunch at all exclusive of a small bag of chips which doesnt really help.

went shopping instead. okay i know, how ironic. migraine and going shopping? hahaha. dont ask me why. saw a nice pair of miss sixty jeans, thinking of getting it. but my guess would the Higher Ups will not agree when they see the price tag.

hope those people at the Bash are havin fun. feel bad that i din go but w/e, im really not feelin too well now.

tmw after results collection, shall nift up the presentation and probably go to jiayi's gym later. gym is literally, no sweat ;) i dont even run on the thread mill la. i just sit back on the bike machine. of course, the bike machine has nada on the real thing. cant wait to go biking soon, hopefully :)

wind thru your hair. fantastic feeling.

until weekends; the count down continues!

worship yesterday was not too good by my standards. ill work on it

bought a nice white top for 75 bucks, but there seems to be some complications bout it now :( ugh.

good luck to those with O lvl chinese tmw :D
for my own chinese on thurs or fri (not sure which), i feel... worried. i havent studied. i dont need to get an A but a D look pretty sorry a sight :S

tag replies
weeyang- haha tuck your head la! its so... ew :S well i dont see any man ^^
qiuyin- when i rmb to, i will :P

going back to school tmw is sucha drag. i feel like gym. anyway tmw im taking off those nasty metal straps. hurray :D cant wait for chinese AND pw to be over. here i come, sleepover with joce and joy! here i come, melbourne (and nicole)! here i come, leadership youth camp! here i come, youth retreat! here i come, christmas programme. what a hoot :D

tag replies
jasmine - was going out to macs :D nothing better than good outside of school :P
amin - then maybe you shd stay another year. itd do even MORE good i bet ^^

so stupid, i poked a hole into my hand accidentally with a small plastic comb. urgh. its unimaginable, but it still happened :( okay no wearing of rings todayy

tmw, get to see cousins for lunch! hahaha wheee~ness.

its stupid how one msg can brighten up your day :D

the whole deal with meridian and the system of retainin or not is pretty much controversial. the system IS flawed. however, i have to agree with this point; better to stay another year than to advance to the As and not doing well enough to make it to a local university. better wasting a year, than a lifetime in that sense. we all know that if you cant make it to a local university, we're worse off than poly graduates.

im glad some of my friends managed to advance under monitoring for J2 year. my guess would be their leadership committment has really taken a toll on their time. it isnt all fun and games being a leader in the school. more often than not, i see them slogging their guts out (with the exception of some black sheeps of course). sometimes i wonder why some of them, like xiwen, have this notion of 'wanting to serve the school'. admirable, no doubt, but to me, it can border on foolishness. especially when i see some friends withdrawing from school, or in pieces after every paper. finally its up to the individual and his or her capabilities and time management.

and honestly, its not the end of the world to retain. okay it may sound stupid coming from someone who is not going through it. but put it this way, education is not everything. and furthermore, there is a second chance to prove yourselves.

theres no point wanting a perfect system and no point hoping for one. man is flawed, thus having flawed institutions.

i guess, we just have to get through it as best as we could.

and if i had to give up education to pursue my faith, i would.
it pretty much drives me crazy.

at the end of the day, take heart, for theres better things yet to come :)

ill miss some of you.

admittedly at times i can be too straight forward, and i hardly ever try to hide my true response. for that, i ask for all those who i have inadvertedly hurt for their forgiveness and i apologise of course.

and will try to be more tactful. :)

however, at the same time, do try to understand.
this blasted system is driving me up the wall so imperfect me can lose my cool at times.

timothy ng is so damn sweet la. and so's sarah and yes, xp too. thankew for understanding :) and to my friend of 17 years, im glad we're cool :) the rest- thanks all the same!
-

talked to Nicole again, gosh i love her :D
two straightforward people make best friends! lovelovelove.

i know its the right thing to do. the path's so easy and straight with His guidance

thank you Xiwen for High School Musical!
and im so damn happy Pierre Monkey Yim isnt retaining! yay :)

tag replies-
denise - haha caijing is DAMN CUTE LA :D
qiuyin - hahaha hello? :P hope youve been doin good in school yeah :)
manel - MANELLL! i miss you so much too hehh. loves! bet your so jealous im goin again ;) haha

btw Girl on TV by LFO, this old song is REALLY NICE. stuck in my head. and shinyu's too :)

PW presentation - soso, but anyway me and shin finally did up the ppt so it should go all ok :) went to nat's to play tennis. it rained, so yeah - gym instead which i hardly ever go :( but burnt some calories but that isnt that point. i guess mainly, it took my head off things, everything.

it'd end as an okay day, i guess if not for certain things i found out earlier today

honestly, i reckon if you have a problem with someone you should talk to that person and CLEAR IT, instead of hanging on onto it secretly and acting all's okay when its not... and some people wonder why they are unable to move on.

burnt too many times. really really burnt.
burnt burnt burnt

it hurts.

too often i feel like running away, never turning back. its a thin thread and im just trying to hold on to whatever sanity i have left. college drives me crazy. friends drive me crazy. i guess even church, to some extent, does. but its peaceful, a rest in comparison, when all i do is concentrate and focus on God and nothing else.

reyes told me not to lock myself in, and lock people out.
i try, trying. butold habits are hard to break.

i try to forget. really.

sometimes, regardless of what certain friends claim to you, you're pretty much alone in this world.
a whole troll of things have accumulated so much over the years, some things that i will never be able to tell anyone.

yes i know God is there for me, He is. but sometimes, im really hanging on the edge of the rope.

drop or not?
dropping has its sense of relief too.

you always think that far off, you cant get burnt.

tonight an accumulation of a couple of weeks, and finally - excitement, that is potentially boiling down to nothing significant.

oh gosh, dont let me down please.
-

talked to nicole today on msn, i miss her so much! cant wait to see her on nov 21st in melbourne :)
-

sometimes i dont know what the heck im up to

tag replies:
weeyang- i got no idea what you talkin bout man :S what swallowing syllabus?? :S haha
joan- wu hua ke shuo ^^
nicole- YES i did get promoted kay thanks :P quite heng la, i thought i would retain; i wasnt really prepared for promos :S

well xiwen and some of my council friends been banging at me (and everyone they know) to go for year end bash. i am torn between my want to disappear under the warm comfy sheets at home and being nice and attending something im not even vaguely interested in. besides, most of my class isnt turning up. however, if say my church mates did go, or maybe even that long missing-in-action Dennis Zhu, i might just seriously consider it :)

also! today all thanks to Adora's brilliance, our powerpoint presentation got jazzed up a bit more. oh gosh, how i hate powerpoint. i think flash is so much more appealing :) i fear for chinese. yet i wont study for it anyway! played bridge oh how i love card games

i have to make up a whole shopping list so that i can shop with joce and joy come wednesday! like a suitable jacket so i can buy a whole range of lovelylovelylovely sleeveless tops! haha i dont dare wear anything too revealing. grins* i can predict my father's reaction already if i did. throw in a nice new pair of jeans and a couple of tops id be quite happy. oh and on coming monday, say byebye forever to those awful metal straps. smirks* yes, braces.

tmw shall go to nat's to play a little tennis after OP dry run. yumm. i need the exercise and the sun. tan's fading and muscles are disappearing :(

surprisingly today was a decent day in all. like what shawn and renee would say, "heads up!"

had a laugh and two at joce's with joy as well :)

tmw's school and chinese. sucha drag.

game spoiled it all.
i dont know why i even care.

that word conjures all sort of images of teenage rebellion, teenage angst, and moodiness.
i wouldnt say im emo.

emo = emotional, prone to the negativity
im half dead.

at first wanted to meet up with cellgroup for biking. didnt happen. i needed that escape.
slept thru most of today. before lunch after lunch. i have no damn idea why i am in such a state. there are many things waiting for me to complete and accomplish.

i need to get my gear up and about.
maybe seeing joce and joy tonight for dinner's a good idea :)

and just waiting for the weekends to begin again...

church was decent yesterday, had some soccer at night. didnt do much. i swear jonathan and samuel are gay. they see each other everyday. and lovin' it too.

sam should write more songs.

at school now, it makes me down.

i hope my good friends can promote la :( (since not everyone can make it) and i dont want my good friends to leave school either! sighs.

not going to the Year End Bash. simply not interested, sorry xiwen! i want to spend as little time as possible in school. it gets me down.

down but not out yet.

okay i lost my post so i have to rewrite it now :( blah.

anyway today's youth service was really good. :D andrew brought his worship band from Cornerstone church and yes they were good! their version of salvation is here and the other fast song was really quite good, with the special effects thrown into it as well :) i was mostly impressed with the keyboardist Janice and the electric guitarist Jeremiah (i think). xw is more technically pro than janice in terms of knowledge, but janice is really experienced, especially with the the special effects so she makes the music sound especially good. as for the electric guitarist, well, its worlds apart from what we have in church since we just started e guitar. :) plus they had a whole range of pedals! in comparison, our church only has one i think :S we need to invest more in pedals.

the best part of today was the ending part. the worship was.. powerful. the presence of the Lord was so strong that my teeth were chattering really badly. for me, thats an indiction of when the presence of the Lord is exceptionally strong. and yes i started crying as well. its not something i will do in my day to day life lah. everyone in the youth service was touched in one way or the other i believe :) a few people were slain as well; my way of description would be "dropped". hahaha. anyway to some extent i am a little fearful about blogging explictly in detail bout church stuff cos people may think im psychotic since they do not really understand whats happening, but thing is, what happened to me is REAL, so i dont think i should hide it or lie about it. today assured me again of the fact that my God is so real to me. He isnt far off miles apart, but He's here; in our everyday life watchin over us, believe it or not. He's what that has carried me through this year when many times JC life can be oh so exhausting. ive wanted to quit many times, because i have plain no interest in studyin or school whatsoever. He's pretty much my Rock in times of need. some people have wondered how come my grades are quite ok even though i seem to not have the time to study (or just not study anyway). well honestly, its all His work. i wont take credit for it. heck, even if i have some intelligence, it still comes all from Him. anyway some how i ended up praying for tiffany and sarah when pastor rachel and andrew asked me to. i cant even remember what i prayed about la! its an exercise of faith. i think shinyu will be coming again next week RIGHT? :P

had dinner with some youth and the band from Cornerstone.
im glad they came today :) and hope they can come again!

oh how i look forward to every weekend, where i can attend church everyday :D

anyway mosquito bites :( yeowch.
and, HOW DO YOU STUDY FOR CHINESE? :(

yesterday was a GOOD day.
went to bethel's tertiary camp service at night. the worship was amazing with just one guitar. the worship leader was fantastic too. hes only my age after all. im quite inspired! and after that from sembawang i went to tanah merah past 11pm. got xp xw to meet me at the bus stop cos i dint know how to get to joan's place. :) xp on bike xw on blades. haha. played a bit after eating. biked some, sweated a bucket. but xw sweated more la. like someone hosed him down with water LOL. haha and xw drove the bike into xp's knee.

also i managed to talk to a couple of people; joy joce leon huiyi chris; so yeah im pretty happy about that. joy and joce and i are meeting up on tues night! :D

OH and xp wasnt rude on sms. such marked improvement! hahaha.

later worship training and shin's coming. oh gosh
how i love weekends :D

went shopping tonight but honestly marina's shopping kinda stinks, unless you have extreme big bucks to spend. like i liked that pair of puma jeans but its nearly 300 bucks and its out of the question. went to levi's and wahlao, i hate my hips la. badminton makes it much bigger than normal. aff. anyway samuel bought his 2nd jeans in 2 weeks from levi's and a pair of street soccer boots. spent a lot la he. power.

IM UTTERLY BORED.
like wth during promos, so many things to do, but i just didnt want to get anythin started. now got nothing to do, am utterly bored and wants stuff to do. dont tell me to study history la k :(

freak la.
this boredom is drivin me mad.

maybe i should get a job. -mutters darkly to self.

hmm. im considering reading those Lit texts. EWW.

okay msn conversation that i saved with Joan. hahaha
firstly- to show off my drawing skills and to depict what happened in the movies on monday.

and we were talkin bout the show Princess Hours. hahaha i was joking okay? JOKING. i can see ry's eyes glaring at me already ^^



okay you can see how BORED i was :(

was reading some blogs, was rather amused i must say.

whats with younger kids putting the older ones on a pedestal? a couple of younger girls seem to either have major crushes, or are plain awe struck by XW. which strikes me as hilarious because xw, is this... young boy to me. like a younger brother in some sense la. ITS SO WEIRD. same for XP, he attracts the young ones too. laughs* ruth.

honestly when i was younger, no doubt i felt there were some of the older kids esp those who were in jc and poly, that seemed so much more knowledgeable bout the things of this world. but i can safely say, i never really taken notice of any individual nor did i see stars in my eyes. and now when im in JC, everyone my age seems so young. some especially seem like they are stuck in their secondary school years.

i used to think 18 was the best age when i was 13.
i used to think 13 was the best age when i was 8.

now i think i'd like to be 25. working, successful, free, old enough to know what i want, do what i like. maybe when im 25, i'd like to be 35. :S

ouch on the years tho.
-

i was thinking of the people i spent a lot of time with when i was young.
since birth, the people i hanged out with were natasha and my cousin, christine.
sure over the years, i made other good friends as well, but they were the firsts. christine and i used to visit each other every weekend and celebrated every birthday without fail till we were 13. how things have changed. we got older, busier with our own lives. but family will always be family. :) i can say that the girls on my mother's side have shaped my interest in the arts. all took the Arts stream in JC, and Lit. i aspire to be as successful as they are. and as for natasha, we wouldnt have been friends if not for church and our parents; we're as different as the sun and the moon.

but im thankful for everythin i have.
everyone i have :)

my guess is most people dont know this.

feeling kinda bad bout last wk. no matter how irritated i was, theres no reason to be cranky at a lot of people. some of them werent even involved at all la. anyway i went to apologise to a couple of people and i got a few more to go. yes even those i had a good reason to be irritated to. feel bad la. i dont have any problems with apologising la, if i see a need to. but being forced to apologise is a different matter by itself.

anyway chionged watching Princess Hours last night and i completed the entire serial. smirks* i was up to 630am watching it. and yeah i missed school today. i know, kinda stupid to sleep so damn late when im quite sick. but the show SO NICE LA. the ending was weird tho. why is she having vomitting signs of pregnancy? THEY DIDNT EVEN DO IT WHAT. its really fun to watch on the computer, you get the fast forward all the boring stuff. so basically, it was a good watch :) yeah i kinda ignored game for the past two days cos of this show.

wonder how much i got for History. crosses fingers for Lit! good luck and God bless all!

looking forward to tmw's lunch with huiying manel yvette :D

cant wait for friday's camp service, sat's worship training & youth service, sun's main service. wheee~

econs- :( shant proceed further. yet i cant say i deserved better, being that i didnt even read the promo package.

done with WR draft. HURRAH :D

oh and i love bridge. SO FUN LAH! :D

okay yesterday night was pretty mucha bad night. the third draft of WR can never seem to be completed. the file corrupted THREE times over the past few days, which meant i have done FOUR editions of draft three. i was damn pissed off as you can guess.

ANYWAY its almost done cept for the references. :)

anyway today's econs since sub pass is 35%, yeah i subpassed. not too surprising i guess since i didnt really study for econs till a day or two before and i havent even read thru the promo package which is the stupidest thing to do. i told parents bout grades, mom smsed something like "so must repeat exam ? or retain?" my dad even better "too bad :("

hahahaha damn weird la.

start of the day was pretty much happy tho im sore bout missing one mark from an A for GP :( went macs with the class after GP, we ate and played cards. think im addicted to bridge hahaha! :D

okay maths was a bummer tho. i knew that it was highly unlikely id get an A, but i was expecting a mid range B la. i got a C :( SO MANY CARELESS MISTAKES. and i forgot to complete a few questions as well, cos the way i attempted questions was to jump all over the place :S feel kinda... lousy cos i know i could have done muchmuchmuch better. yes, should has started revision earlier for sure. i only started bout a week and half before promos -.- the night before maths i had completely lost it la, cos so many chapters were left uncompleted. i guess i should be contented with what i have.. since i did pass one H2 subject already. OKAY im thankful that i arent even more careless.

didnt attend chinese, went 'dental' ~grins.
met xp at tanah merah mrt and we walked about tampines for a bit before tim appeared, horrendously late. we ended up buying tickets to a movie we had idea of. a racing comedy i think. it was not too bad. OH and we bought natasha her birthday present. she should be jolly well grateful cos its SO DAMN EXPENSIVE. she better use it la. esle we'll all sit on her.

pretty much a happy day :D

oh my dad commented bout me being expected to top the class :S
OKAY wr time :(

i wont mind living in church everyday forever.
it really gives me the peace of mind. between the youths, no politics, no condemnation. we hang around, learn some bible lessons that can apply to life, joke, laugh, fool around and jam. we are all freaks for music. :)

i dont want to conform to the various ways of the world. Romans 12:2
i dont want to outplay outwin outbitch outscheme anyone. hell yeah, i know i probably can ace all those easy, but whats the point? does it really make you feel better? the euphoria, the thrill is only temporary.

im really dreading going back to school tomorrow; thrown back to somewhere a world apart.

but you know what, i got something that will help me throughout my days. some people may come to church cos 'its fun', since we're a fun loving bunch. but thats not it.

you will come to a point in your life, where you realise that you need answers. and fun and games can be all so empty at times. thats when you'll search, and the only person that can answer you is that Superior Being up there.

and for some, maybe you should start looking for answers.

i know lately i may have gotten a little more preachy or 'religious'. point is, when youre sick of certain things in your life, you look for a solution.

and ive found it.

tag replies-
nicole: haha yeahhh im pretty sure :P and youre a troll for tellin me LAST
samantha: will do when i remember :)
r: 'heads up' like what we used to say? ^^
shawn: dw, all will be fine. how bout Chocolate Buffet at the fullerton sometime soon? XD

went to church really early today and for youth practice, nat couldnt do keyboard last minute, so i ended up playin the keyboard AND singing. hahaha it was hilarious. well today's sort of informal bible study was interesting and accurate and relevant.

people always say they love their God. but do their actions show that? how do you love God?

1) obey His commandments
2) not loving the worldly things
3) loving others.

yes, loving others even if the only thing you want to do is to pull their hair out. guess that really spoke to me cos the past week i spent half of it wanting to STRANGLE certain people that i shant name.

ive been pretty much in a bad mood, a frustrated mood because of a few people la. but yeah i guess today's answer sort of solves my question.

so yes i AM going to try to be nice, and mean it too.

i dont want to be sucked into the world.

mhmm im pretty much hooked on this korean drama called Princess Hours which is shown on channel U at 7pm weekdays. once i start, i have to follow the entire series :) so im borrowin the vcds from hannah! woots. dont want to slowly wait for the tv show. dislike waiting and youtube is so damn slow la.

i miss a hell lot of people.
lib~ three persons in particular
one will never get back, one hasnt been back yet, one cannot get back

i have yet to find the answer for that question that has been lingering in my mind.
:(

i'd prefer i clear vision thanks

took green early leave form - eye infection. not completely infected, but well my contacts were giving me problems and a major migraine.

didnt take the mrt for once, took bus 12 a really long ride of which i slept it through, so damned tired.

Consuming Fire - HILLSONGS
There must be more than this,
O breath of God come breathe within,
There must be more than this,
Spirit of God we wait for You.

Fill us anew we pray,
Fill us anew we pray.

(Chorus)
Consuming fire fan into flame,
A passion for Your Name,
Spirit of God fall in this place,
Lord have Your way,
Lord have Your way with us,

Come like a rushing wind,
Clothe us with power from on high,
Now set the captives free,
Leave us abandoned to Your praise.

Lord let Your glory fall,
Lord let Your glory fall.

Stir it up in our hearts Lord,
Stir it up in our hearts Lord,
Stir it up in our hearts Lord,
A passion for Your Name.

maybe i should pray to Him for help. i havent really been doing that too much, too involved in other things.

just an odd question, when you die how would you want others to remember you by?

im working on that still. and its quite faraway to go

i think i completely lost it today
school was all gloom and darkness. i was okay during library, completely losing it during macdonalds. with a pounding migraine, a sore eye and irritation with the whole draggy affair, i left without the rest back to school. kinda hanged out with shina and a couple others before PW meeting which was supposed to be at one. anyway a few members were quite late which annoyed me all over again because chiang called to ask mewhere we were all and i had no idea what to say. dont help that Open House is a bloody waste of ten hours of which im not involved in at all.

so yes, my mood was horrid and it translated into a snappy exhausted irritable me. which was all over worsened again by certain things i shant name. okay i do feel a little bad for a few rare sorts who was sucked into my whirlpool of a black mood. for that i apologise.

the rest? well. screw.
as you can see im not remotely in a good mood still. i have to hang around school for bloody FOUR hours more doing NOTHING, just to wait for them to take my attendance when the whole thing is over.

and i caught the flu bug too. affffff. i thinking of all ways and means to get out from school, do you think sick counts? well bet certain people will say i m faking it, but i dont bloody care. i am, and i want to get out of school. took four panadols before PW meeting, doesnt seem to work.

i hope to come back to school on monday, a happier me.
and yes, please do try to help. :(

OH i saw chia suyan today :D

i miss the old times, good times.
now is hell, double over.

haha was watching England vs Croatia. england is nothing but a big joke. losing almost every ball to some unknown team AND scoring a shot in their own goal to top it off too! what a laugh. all that talk about having the best team in years, to reach the World Cup finals and to qualify for Euro too. probably the most consistent player is Owen Hargeaves and he doesnt even play in the EPL but for German team, Bayern Munich. honestly, i dont think beckham is that bad, at least not compared to what i saw today on television. he may not be as decent as before, but he should be able to pass the ball without dropping it. and of course, i still do like Michael Owens. :)too bad about his injury. i dislike Crouch and Rooney. dont help that both are kinda ugly. hahahaha

it has come to a point whereby going to school is a complete drag. shall cut Open House half way and go out to watch Johnny Tucker must Die with church mates in orchard! wheee~ nevermind that im soo broke.

OH and i would seem this is the season why teenager break up, get together or others, die or be born. more deaths tho.

just woke up, thought it was already morning and time to go to school. and it felt exactly like a bad hang over too.

slept at 6 woke at nearly 10. that means i missed dinner AND that new korean drama :( i was planning to watch it la

i wish promos werent ended for a number of reasons
1) waiting for the grades that determine your future, sucks
2) im utterly bored, in school AND out of school. theres only so much of orchard or tampines or where-ever that you can take on a limited pocket
3) i could disappear into my own world then
4) the 'post promos future' had seemed so exciting, during the promo week; i had something to look forward to, but it turned out to been pretty dismal altho ive been out everyday

im looking forward to the weekends -
keep my sanity alive

i always had the tendency to turn into a recluse when the party gets too loud.

some people wish to be popular and be part of the It gang, but not me. i cant deal with the pressure, i cant conform, and sometimes i cant seem to talk.

i want to be smarter and faster. heck, if i had a choice better looking and a higher metabolism rate too ^^ but i guess one cant have everything, so im fine with what i have, what i dont. i wont say my self esteem is particularly high, though ive been said to look hostile and arrogant. i know what i lack and what i can be confident in

and the current thing i cant handle is, school.

its driving me nuts.
YES despite exams over, and MORE so than the exams. :S

call me weird

i was looking through old letters and stuff
one item made me really sad.

i still remember argueing with him, yelling
that no one in the right mind would go backpacking in the Europe states and especially in Africa by himself. he was always more of a free spirit than i ever was, and that was one of the qualities i admired most. that was pretty much the last conversation i had with one of my ever best friends. the phone call ended on him reassuring he'd be back in one piece, and me being forced to accept, but none the less not very happy about it. in short, a bad note.

i got a postcard when he was in romania and in switzerland and after that, no more.

its been a few years past.
-

am going out with natasha soon. maybe a few others will be bunging on for the shopping trip.
am not rlly in a mood for talking much, but never have been much of a chatterbox unless im really excited.

secrecy.

i wonder what my promotional grades will be. it can get ugly, the competition. even your friends can be envious of your grades even if they arent spectacular to you and that can become a problem. i can personally say if i dont get an A in maths and GP, a B or C in Econs, Lit, Chinese, a C or D in Hist, i will not be anywhere near satisfied with myself because even though i didnt mug my ass off, those papers were of a reasonable standard. schooling has made me to a small extent, mercenary. at the end of the day, only 70% of the JC cohort can make it to the universities. it could be either you, or them. and of course, you want to be the one to make it.

many times i feel like giving up. its not my passion.

nothing pisses me off more than a sort of cross examination
asking me if i like a person, and having to justify my past words/actions annoys me to bits. honestly, im as straight forward as they come, if i dislike you i would not bother talking to you at all. and if i am telling you something and you dont believe it,
theres nothing i can do.

and i mean, your opinion of people DO change with time after all.

it annoys me even more especially when i wouldnt say any one in the class knows me particularly well.

an unpleasant ending to a day which i had enjoyed until now. im expecting some comments or whatever on this i reckon. my guess would be i wont give a damn pretty soon.

had went to vivocity with jasmine pierre dennis with three others. watched Scoop had some fun. :) its damn big and nice, i cant wait to really shop there! i saw this shirt that i liked in tangs already :D

its nice to hang out with people who dont question or judge your every move or w/e.
i miss my nicole and shawn and reyes and mike. i would think few really know me, the complete me.

thanks chris for coming on today :)

talk is cheap.

its time to live MORE in the Word
passion.

i want to fly to greater heights in this.
i want break through
i want multiplication

// Consuming fire, fan into flame
a passion for Your name

promos are over
but im feeling the full blast of the whole negativity of it now.

its like delayed reaction.

game was supposed to be fun. its getting not to be.

i need a good sleep.
damn to PW. affffffff

okay dinner at ritz, some seafood buffet
not too keen on seafood so the best thing bout it was probably the crispy cheese bread sticks with went brilliantly with cream of mushroom :P haha my mom was raving about the lobsters and my brother sashimi. ooh and their range of chocolate was.. yumm!

got a nice DKNY watch today too and we went shopping for sam's jeans. :)

worship was not too bad and andrew is a good speaker. cant wait for the next time he comes and im going for some Bethel tertiary camp too! wheee~

and this coming week, lots of dates :D

it feels like a major holiday :)



that is till PW and chinese starts :(

okay count your blessings

list 10 ways that im blessed
1) ive got Someone who got my back always, esp thru the more tryin times
2) i got decent intelligence
3) i have mostly nice, friends
4) i can keep in beat, sing on tune
5) i got a pretty decent home
6) i like my height!
7) i dont completely suck at sports
8) so far, my grades mostly have not sucked that bad
9) im not a pauper
10) i dont have stumpy legs! hahahahhahaa i.e like zukai. rofl

thank you God.

tmw worship im leading. and music training.
how exciting.

and VIVOCITY here i come!

i used to mind when i saw any form of division at all in an entity i believed it. as of now, i reckon its a good thing.

sometimes theres no way i can relate at that level.

oh gosh i miss Nicky, Joce, Joy and a couple others.
the wavelength is on a world of our own.

nicole tagged;

my ideal lover/guy
heck ill show you my list instead with some odd comments scribbled by xw, samuel and mel ^^ see if you can make it out haha!


nasty headache anw. gaming for long hours is ouch.

i miss.


such incoherant thoughts

OH we're goin to find that pig zhu on monday :D

ITS OVER :D
-exhilaration.

nothing more than that.

exams period
most times i love the peace and quiet, once in a while outbursts of insanity but theres nothing unusual there. at the same time, on certain days, tho quiet, i may be exceptionally irritable.

today was one of those days.
firstly maths is tmw
and secondly i havent completed my maths syllabus. aff.

and i know no harm meant, but telling me im a mugger isnt going to help me when my head got screwed with an hour of consultation which only proved that i do NOT know a lot of things. i dont understand why people cant just accept the fact that NO i was/am not ready for this promos at all, NO i didnt touch my history till the night before, NO i had not touched maths in a week, NO i dont understand poems, NO i need a lot of help, and NO a lot of other things.

its frustrating. it seems like other people are allowed the capacity to say that they have problems with a lot of topics, but each and every time i truthfully tell that i have problems in certain subjects, more often than not its as good as not saying a single thing. blank looks. or disbelieving ones.

i wish that it was true too, that i know EVERYTHING in the damn notes AND im going to only achieve straight As.

had an immense headache before and after Lit paper today. it kinda contributed to it all. it was.. harder than expected but by no means, impossible.

was initially supposed to watch The Banquet tmw, but that might not be happening. planning things in class are a pain in a neck.

i dont believe in mugging. mugging by definition is to study extremely hard for an excessively long period of time. like 3 hours. hah. seriously, most people's brain span cant last longer than 2 hours or so. mine is exceptionally short. i hate it that this society makes mugging a must to make it anywhere. or to get decent results is only through mugging.

no wonder im not doing too well.

after Promos, sorry to pour cold water, but its PW time. my group is stuck half way in the 2nd draft. yes, we're pretty slow.

the good point of today was that i had a good ole Cadbury chocolate bar :D

OH lastly. dennis zhu that brat, left mj a week plus ago for poly. and he told me last thursday on msn when i said i didnt want to be his ogl next year that he would study for promos!! you pig. :(

had a good sleep in the afternoon,
kinda enjoy exam period in a different sense.

people talk less :D

i mean i do enjoy chattering and joking to some extent, but it can be so excessive at times. besides, with those you are really clos ewith, there can always be comfortable silence. hahaha! and of course i wont mind if you say a hi lah. i wont bite

kinda worried for maths. the subject that im bankin on is not... exactly on solid ground. blah i started revision wayyy too late. aff

OH i felt like a fool today. supposed to go home from tampines mall. but i took the train on the wrong side! i went back to pasir ris. i alighted then i realised that it was the end of the track and the same train would head back, so i hurried in back again. double times dumb :X

sometimes i think i dont know you.

history.
yesterday night was a real torture since i had completely no mood nor any sense of hope for it anymore. it was the first time i ever felt what 'hopelessness' really meant. academics had never posed a problem before. this time, it was an unwinnable race against time being that i barely started on history before; i was busy with other committments and when i had the time, i only touched my H2 subjects. i honestly told my parents when they asked that i wasnt ready at all for it.

anyway this particular verse has been keepin me afloat all this while, Philippians 4:6-7
'Do not be anxious in anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus'

thanks serena for that verse :) ive been reading it a couple times a day to keep myself from completely losing it.

as for today's history paper, i smoked some and remembered a little from lectures. i made up some of the statistics tho, like 4 million people died and 40% of national spending budget and all that ;o as for lit, well, my brain was not functioning and i couldnt seem to make the connections and proper quotes although i understand the questions perfectly.

but, end of today signals the end of double papers.
they rlly sap my energy.

and finally, HAPPY BIRTHDAY JACOB THAM :)

tag replies
avy- lol no idea?
manel- haha i miss you too! :) hang out soon yea :)
weeyang- eeks that figures lah :S
vivien- haha best of luck for yours too, and yeah sure!
tabi- if i remember LOL
sheena- haha damn right man :( wah lao, EH HANCHI/QI SHEENA MINE PLS :(
angela- yeah quite happy that these two days are over!

gp and ECONS over.
im elated. no more econs for the rest of the year woohooo. im hardly one to dwell too much bout exams cos i mean whats done is done. besides one subject doesnt determine your promotion :) and my fingers completely cramped after econs okay and i used up an entire pen >< i was the happiest after econs exams, but not cos i thought i did well lol, but rather its OVERRRR. wheee~

i love taking GP exam in the hall, so nice la the air con! it makes sure you dont fall asleep haha and numb the pain from your fingers.

6 hours of writing today.
and as much more tomorrow

thank you Lord for helpin me today :)

i havent rlly done history and its TMW. rawrr :( God pls help me yeah? :)

Your Five Factor Personality Profile

Extroversion: You have medium extroversion.You're not the life of the party, but you do show up for the party.Sometimes you are full of energy and open to new social experiences.But you also need to hibernate and enjoy your "down time." Conscientiousness: You have medium conscientiousness.You're generally good at balancing work and play.When you need to buckle down, you can usually get tasks done.But you've been known to goof off when you know you can get away with it. Agreeableness: You have low agreeableness.Your self interest comes first, and others come later, if at all.In general, you feel that people are not to be trusted.And you're skeptical that anyone else really feels differently. Neuroticism: You have medium neuroticism.You're generally cool and collected, but sometimes you do panic.Little worries or problems can consume you, draining your energy.Your life is pretty smooth, but there's a few emotional bumps you'd like to get rid of. Openness to experience: Your openness to new experiences is medium.You are generally broad minded when it come to new things.But if something crosses a moral line, there's no way you'll approve of it.You are suspicious of anything too wacky, though you do still consider creativity a virtue.

i mostly agree, im a largely moderate person whos both introverted AND extroverted, and quite a skeptic.

Your Five Variable Love Profile

Propensity for Monogamy: Your propensity for monogamy is high.You find it easy to be devoted and loyal to one person.And in return, you expect the same from who you love.Any sign of straying, and you'll end things. Experience Level: Your experience level is high.You've loved, lost, and loved again.You have had a wide range of love experiences.And when the real thing comes along, you know it! Dominance: Your dominance is medium.You tend to be the one with more power.You aren't a total control freak in relationships..But of course you don't mind getting you way! Cynicism: Your cynicism is medium.You'd like to believe in true and everlasting love...But you've definitely been burned enough to know better.You're still an optimist, but you also are a realist. Independence: Your independence is medium.In relationships, you need both "me time" and "we time."You usually find it easy to be part of a couple.But occasionally you start to feel a little smothered.

too true? rofl.

btw i was watchin soccer on cable and kaka is hot even when hes sweating and probably stinking as well.

church was fun today. it can never go wrong with lots of food and balloon fights :) yumm. and the gins came today. wb :)

michelle
100789
foursix, tkgs
06A201, mjc
LIVEWIRE!, rolc church
into God' friends badminton keyboard/piano
music reading tibia chocs sweets sleeping eating
contact: tungmichelle@hotmail.com

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